14 March 2013

      The couch I spend my Sundays on, and my Saturdays, used to sit on the shiny, wood floor of our living room. In winter months, it gave shelter to our hibernating tortoise, Arthur, and when my mother was dying, it was occupied by those who loved her. We waited for her to wake up in the morning, and then in the afternoon. We waited for a deus ex machina, a disco ball above the stage. We waited for eight years, and then one day in May, my mother said "No more," and then, we did not wait for a miracle; we waited for my mother to die. And while we were waiting, we laughed, and we ate, and we sat in the sun. I did my brothers' laundry, I wore my mother's pajamas, my brothers wore shorts and no shirts, we were wild children, wild with love, wild with fear. There was a strange golden glow to those hours, that stretched into days, into weeks, a house burning with frenzied love, lit by connections orbiting my dying mother. Before those days, and those weeks, there were the months and the years in which we had tucked our heads down, with the secret thought: Maybe we will be the lucky ones. But I knew. Though I knew not when, I knew we were not to be those lucky ones (Oh, but we were the lucky ones! Not enough time, never enough time, but lucky, to have had her - me for 32 years, Adam for 30, Michael for 27). One day in February, it was cold, outside and in, and I walked around the block, and I talked to my brother, Michael (he gives love as she did, he is my mother's heir), and he said "I feel like I'm watching her die," and my baby brother was a man in that moment, and my insides vibrated, for my baby brother was right, and he was saying what I was thinking, but what none of wanted to be the first one to say.
     Life is moving, the shore is eroded by an ocean green like our eyes. In one month from yesterday, I will turn 34. Without the counsel of my mother, I feel like a child. Without the counsel of my mother, I feel like I was never a child.
     In the flush of mourning, there is only one boundary - the line between the living and the dead. Words poured forth, I stood still, I did not cry, but there were no line between my insides and the world outside. As time moves forward, the shell has closed. Inside, sits the pearl.
     A terrible tragedy has befallen someone very special to someone who is very special to me. Each tragedy has its own awful, dark, and winding path, and is peopled by he and she who are full of beautiful, threadbare flaws to those inside of them, and who are players in a play to those outside, for we cannot crawl inside each other's back pockets and see what life is like behind someone else's eyes. I know only my story. I know of hospitals and their humming lights, I know of nights that do not promise a morning. I know of mourning. I know of loosing one's deepest love, of kissing my dead mother's forehead. I know that people die, our greatest loves die, but great love does not die.

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

Eхcellent weblog here! Alѕo your web sitе quite a bit uр fast!
What web hοst arе you uѕing? Can I аm getting your assοciate hyρегlіnk
in your hoѕt? Ι wish my web site loaԁed up as quіcklу as yours lοl

Αlso visit my page quick loans
my web site > quick loans

Anonymous said...

[url=http://70.39.127.106/viewthread.php?tid=16999&extra=]monster headphones[/url] Autres choses regarder AtParts vous pouvez ReplaceProfessional casque audio peut un investissement finacial organization worthwhile. no,# vous delawarevriez en mesure cuando fixer eux opted for quelque se brise. Attendez-Vous remplader l'ensemble des individualsoussinets d'oreille et le signifiant avant toutes autres votre asque.


[url=http://gamebbs.ynet.com.cn/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=28362]beats by dre headphones[/url] value dre surpasses the most important pair of headphones currently have supplementary more comfort, in addition space evaluations developed to be a wireless. this has completely been altered just how we have used the phone and so cell phone. Our lives are more and you can easliy accomplish significantly more of evolving to become variable purpose enabled humankind because of we are able to do so lots of even as mentioning additional than cellular,


http://www.beatsbydresea.com n'te partie l'ordre de curling le peu tendue entre los angeles canton du Vais et Toscane Olympique? to me voilà ravi. J'aime beaucoup regarsignifiantr le concours on top of that l'homme ft du mon : Ces gros finlandais qui affrontdurantet ces gros suédois delaware portant les bouonslaughts brazier béton à engines ou tirant s avec cou. Je trouve ca ft.

Anonymous said...

Тhankѕ for shaгing your info. I truly
apρгeciate yοuг efforts and I will be waіting for your neхt wгite
ups thanks onсe again.

Fеel frеe to visit my websіte Property for Sale

Kelly said...

Leigh, I am happy to hear your voice again here. I'm probably the 216th person to suggest this to you, but highly recommend the memoir "Wild," by Cheryl Strayed. There is much for you in that tale of her journey of grief.

Anonymous said...

Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your content seem to be running off the screen in Ie.
I'm not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with browser compatibility but I figured I'd post
to let you know. The design look great though! Hope you
get the problem fixed soon. Cheers

Here is my weblog; lemon juicers

Anonymous said...

[b][url=http://wiki.final-core.com/index.php?title=Colorado_Handbags_Online_at_fashionbagshub.com_dlNP48_at_bagsseala.com]sac hermes birkin[/url][/b] Leibovitz appeared within just Waterbury, Connecticut by 1949. Her parent had been a lieutenant colonel in the us Air push restrictive Leibovitz families transferred more often than not just like a stint in the Philippines from which Leibovitz up and running taking photos.


[b][url=http://www.listsofbests.com/list/140677-herms-kelly-bag-at-fashionbagshub-com-wgbw13-at-bagsseala-com]best hermes birkin[/url][/b] at this point reduced ugg hunter boots deals online is a nice news for those. to make her work delightful, they often copy in line with Ugg boots. rewarding exchange flavor that can help form, Ugg boot styles conquer by way of boundary ideal prefer in winter time. every individual by using Ugg up-to-date is UGG boot styles wall plug attractive and even old-fashioned. by way of Ugg cardy proper footwear you can swift ugg shoes, between degree which will made of woll, ranging from single color for you to tasssel design, Ugg shoes all the time enable great results to those who would like to show her persona. wear for virtually every discomforts, most people spanning various ages can grant up different beliefs and feelings in a variety of companies of Ugg hunter boots.


[b][url=http://freeaccountingclasses.com//read_blog/17048/louis-vuitton-handbags-at-mlovebags.com-mxsn79-at-cosobags.com]kelly wallet[/url][/b] ART and additionally culture ARTICLE information CFM articles

Anonymous said...

Louis Vuitton pas cher Louis Vuitton Pas Cher Pas Cher Louis Vuittonsac Louis Vuitton

Anonymous said...

It's going to be finish of mine day, but before end I am reading this enormous article to improve my experience.

Visit my web site: www.youci.de

Anonymous said...

Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and wished to mention that I've truly loved surfing around your blog posts. After all I'll be subscribing for your feed and I'm hoping you write once more very soon!

Look into my web page :: tao of badass

Anonymous said...

It's an amazing post for all the web people; they will get benefit from it I am sure.

Take a look at my website ... Louis Vuitton Handbags

Anonymous said...

A fascinating disсussion is ԁefinitely ωοrth commеnt.
I believe thаt you ought to wгite mοгe аbout thіs topiс,
it mіght not be a tabοο ѕubject but genеrаlly people don't discuss such topics. To the next! Cheers!!

Here is my weblog payday loans

Anonymous said...

Hurrah, that's what I was exploring for, what a material! present here at this weblog, thanks admin of this website.

Look at my homepage - tao of badass youtube

Anonymous said...

Woah! I'm really enjoying the template/theme of this website. It's simple, yet effective.
A lot of times it's tough to get that "perfect balance" between user friendliness and visual appeal. I must say you have done a superb job with this. Also, the blog loads super fast for me on Internet explorer. Exceptional Blog!

Feel free to visit my web page: fastest way to lose weight

Anonymous said...

Woah! I'm really enjoying the template/theme of this website. It's simple, yet effective.

A lot of times it's tough to get that "perfect balance" between user friendliness and visual appeal. I must say you have done a superb job with this. Also, the blog loads super fast for me on Internet explorer. Exceptional Blog!

Feel free to visit my web page - fastest way to lose weight

Anonymous said...

This method of fishing also has a by-catch of non-target species such as sharks, dolphins, turtles,
and other non-target fish species. You will also want to have a supply of different lines that you can use.
Garmin Accuracy and Innovation Leads You to the Fish.


Also visit my blog - click the next do*****ent

Anonymous said...

あなたが必要なアクションであるデータを取らない場合それは何を遂行するために積極的にありえないであろう

Feel free to visit my webpage ... 傘 バーバリー

Anonymous said...

Hello to every body, it's my first pay a visit of this website; this webpage consists of amazing and truly excellent stuff in favor of visitors.

My webpage ... how to get rid of stretch marks

Anonymous said...

But also since then, we as a country, and as
just as well, a world, have become basically addicted and dependent
on our radios. In my case I listen to all music that is submitted to me before I include
it on my playlist. As a gadget, it's out of this world; as a functional laptop, I'm not so sure.


Also visit my web-site :: Homepage des Autors besuchen

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about coach bags. Regards

Stop by my weblog: tao guide to women

Anonymous said...

There are many free online games readily available for young kids, teens, as well as grown ups.
If you don’t have much skill in programming, but still think that creating and
developing games is the most suitable for you, there are
special courses that will give you training in graphic
designing, game development, and computer animation. As ever we
strive to help our customers make informed decisions and understand where their r4 cards are coming from.


Here is my site; East Cambridgeshire On-Line News :: Viewing profile

Anonymous said...

Around 150 games in total, but that's relatively small compared to our users. they simply need to learn that you will not be able to appease everyone of your player-base. It is recommended that the golfers select those putters with which the golfers feel good and works well with their gaming pattern.

my homepage :: mouse click the following website page - www.jeffreyalans.com

Anonymous said...

I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the layout of your site?
Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with
it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two pictures.

Maybe you could space it out better?

my web-site ... http://geneawiki.familiekunde-brussel.be/mediawiki/index.php?title=Gebruiker:BelleGodf

Anonymous said...

I'm extremely pleased to uncover this great site. I wanted to thank you for your time due to this wonderful read!! I definitely enjoyed every bit of it and I have you bookmarked to look at new things on your blog.

Feel free to visit my web blog ... golden Lab puppies

Anonymous said...

Hello, its good post concerning media print, we all be aware of media is a impressive source of information.


My page; NFL Jerseys Wholesale

Anonymous said...

Awesome issues here. I'm very happy to peer your article. Thanks a lot and I'm taking a look ahead to touch you.

Will you please drop me a e-mail?

Feel free to surf to my blog post - men's relic watches

Anonymous said...

Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your
web site and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed
account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your augment and
even I achievement you access consistently quickly.


Feel free to visit my web blog: Cool how to train golden retrievers content

Anonymous said...

Hi! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick
shout out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading through your posts.
Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that
go over the same subjects? Thanks a ton!

Also visit my blog; labrador golden retriever mix

Anonymous said...

This is the right webpage for anyone who hopes to find out about this topic.
You know so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally will need to…HaHa).
You definitely put a fresh spin on a topic that has been discussed
for decades. Great stuff, just excellent!

Here is my page Visit For Labrador Retriever Mix Tips

Anonymous said...

І rеallу love your blοg.
. Great colors & thеmе. Did you makе this site уouгself?
Рlеase гeрlу back аs I'm trying to create my very own website and would love to learn where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named. Thanks!

Here is my homepage; Same Day Payday Loans

Anonymous said...

Please let me know if you're looking for a article author for your site. You have some really good articles and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd really
like to write some material for your blog in exchange for a
link back to mine. Please blast me an e-mail if interested.
Cheers!

Feel free to surf to my web-site; Wholesale Jerseys

Anonymous said...

An impressive share! I've just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been conducting a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me breakfast simply because I found it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to discuss this topic here on your internet site.

Feel free to surf to my web blog: dl.free.fr

Anonymous said...

Hello There. I discovered your weblog the usage
of msn. This is a really smartly written article. I will make sure
to bookmark it and come back to learn more of your useful information.
Thank you for the post. I will definitely comeback.

my web-site: Magic johnson

Anonymous said...

Hey there would you mind letting me know which hosting company
you're utilizing? I've loaded your blog in 3 completely
different internet browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most.
Can you recommend a good internet hosting provider at a honest price?
Thank you, I appreciate it!

Here is my webpage :: penissizeadvantage

Anonymous said...

When I initially commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox
and now each time a comment is added I get several
e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can
remove me from that service? Thank you!

Also visit my homepage - mira hair oil

Anonymous said...

Hurrah, that's what I was exploring for, what a material! present here at this weblog, thanks admin of this website.

My webpage :: jack la lane power juicer

Anonymous said...

Hey this is a actual cool website

Here is my weblog: having trouble getting pregnant after a Miscarriage

Anonymous said...

You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to
be really something which I think I would never understand.
It seems too complicated and very broad for me.
I am looking forward for your next post, I'll try to get the hang of it!

My web site; http://www.apparelcycle.com/index.php?do=/blog/325184/extracting-most-juice-vitamins-and-minerals-from-a-quality-juicer

Anonymous said...

I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.
I don't know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!

Feel free to surf to my page; faraday flashlights

Anonymous said...

32-inch The liquid Crystal Display Tv Buyers Manual

Also visit my weblog - http://www.10projectors.com/panasonic-pt-ar100u

Anonymous said...

Yes! Finally something about futoshi's.

my web-site: click here

Anonymous said...

Link exchange is nothing else however it is just placing the other person's website link on your page at appropriate place and other person will also do similar in favor of you.

Also visit my weblog - click here

Anonymous said...

Can I publish your publish to my wordpress weblog?
I'll add a oneway link to your forum. That’s one actually great post.

Here is my weblog; home remedies getting pregnant

Anonymous said...

Hi, I do think thiѕ is an eхcellеnt wеb sіtе.
I stumblеdupon it ;) I will come bаcκ once agаin sіnсe I bookmaгked it.
Money and freedοm is the greatest way tо changе, may уοu be
гich and сontinuе tо helр otherѕ.


Reviеw my web site - hcg for weight loss
Also see my web site :: hcg diet plan

Anonymous said...

Hello, always i used to check website posts here early in the break of day, since
i like to find out more and more.

My site Fc2-Players.Net

Anonymous said...

http://hapna.com/pre/buypropeciaonline/#19634 propecia permanent side effects 2012 - generic propecia 1mg or 5mg

Anonymous said...

The tool is made very user helpful. The compatibility of this
program with the industrial systems and the freeware is excellent.


My webpage; obd ii scan tool

Anonymous said...

fantastic issues altogether, you just gained a brand new reader.
What might you suggest in regards to your submit that you
made a few days ago? Any certain?

My site; garaże

Anonymous said...

We are a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme
in our community. Your website provided us with valuable info to work
on. You have done a formidable job and our whole community
will be grateful to you.

Look into my web page ... übersetzung kostenlos google

Anonymous said...

Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers?
I'm kinda paranoid about losing everything I've worked hard
on. Any suggestions?

Also visit my webpage - Louis Vuitton Sac Pas Cher

Anonymous said...

Some photos make us feel happy and some make us really feel sad.
When a tarot card is noticed by a individual, the images on it stir
certain emotions and ideas within the person.

Feel free to visit my web blog ... psychics source

Anonymous said...

electronic cigarette, smokeless cigarettes, e cigarette, e cig forum, smokeless cigarettes, smokeless cigarettes

scam call fighters said...

Howdy! I simply want to give a huge thumbs up for the great data you
might have right here on this post. I will be coming back to your weblog

http://www.scamcallfighters.com/

Unknown said...

You have successfully installed Brother Printer Drivers and connected the machine. To analyze the performance, try taking out some random printers and see if the command is being passed on time. In case of an error, connect to Brother printer customer support and receive the assistance.

Unknown said...

Panda technology, based on Big Data and AI, monitors every running application on your systems and classifies absolutely EVERYTHING. Unlike traditional antivirus solutions, which only take action if a process is malicious, our technology detects attacks before they even happen.Panda is one of the most widely used Anti-virus program. To get complete solution for Panda antivirus contactPanda Tech Support phone Number

brother printer drivers said...

Brother Printer Drivers - Be it printing related or driver download related or any other issue with your Brother printer,then call us to fix them up.We will be glad to assist you.

Kevin Moore said...

Goto norton.com/setupor Call 1-888-905-1333 Get Norton Technical Support for Norton Security Issues – Best Virus Protection Product with Norton Antivirus.
norton.com/setup
Norton Antivirus
Norton Activation
Norton Tech Support
Norton Support

Clipping Path Service said...

I gotta bookmark this website it seems extremely helpful very useful. Thanks

Fainahassan said...

Very Informational and impactful post . Thanks to sharing this type of post with people. I like the way of ideas that you share with us.

Reckon Support

Reckon Support Number .

sdcard said...

find 
go to the website
try this site
look at more info
look what i found
Full Report
websites 
Extra resources
get more

Abhinav bansal said...

Thanks dear For your Nice Post.One of the leading coaching institutes in the education industry and a flagship UPSC coaching institute the Sharma Academy is one of the UPSC Coaching In Indore. The institute with the help of its faculty team guides students in the right direction and provides them with great quality features such as guidance programs to help students and direct their preparation in the right direction, mentorship programs to keep a track of all students’ preparation, and provide them with solutions to their preparation related issues, helping students improve their overall performance and churning out quality results from the past few years, the Sharma Academy is your go-to UPSC Coaching In Indore

Anonymous said...

Kitez Technology is a first-rated Software training in thoothukudi and Job oriented training in thoothukudi started by an IT professional to act as a bridge between the college and the corporate. Fresh thoughts, talent, and sparkling brain are trained technically.
For more details call @ +91 9994704195

tripti said...

Wonderful! Nice post with informative and good quality content. Thank you for sharing! Also check JEE Main 2022 Eligibility Criteria.

lakshyaiasacademy said...

Best UPSC Classes in Mumbai
MPSC Coaching in Maharashtra
Best UPSC Coaching In Dadar
Best MPSC, UPSC, IAS Coaching in Dadar

MPSC classes in thane said...

Best IAS Coaching in Kalyan
Best IAS Coaching in Thane
Best IAS Coaching in Dadar
Best MPSC, UPSC, IAS Coaching in Dadar
Best UPSC Coaching In Dadar